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Ezra's 5th birthday in heaven

Today was our day to welcome the Christmas season in our home. We've done it this way on December 2nd for the past four years and the meaning behind it is incredibly significant to us. Five years ago today I was in labor, expecting our second baby boy, Ezra Shepherd Sweat. I was in an abnormal amount of pain, and when they put the doppler to my stomach for a heart beat they found none. My world spun. I literally remember the room spinning, Steven crying, and all I could say was "oh God". I still don't know if I was saying that as a cry to God or as an exclamation of my shock and pain. I gave birth to him a few hours later. I remember feeling a wonderful excitement when I first saw him after my final push, then the next second complete devastation when I remembered that his beautiful, tiny body was lifeless. But he looked so perfect. So incredibly perfect. I held him and I loved it. I loved him. I held him our entire 2 day hospital stay. The real pain began when

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