Ezra's story




When we chose the name Ezra we had no idea what meaning it would hold. His name means "help from God". His little life truly has pointed us back to the Lord in ways we did not realize we were lacking.

My sweet baby boy, Ezra Shepherd Sweat, unexpectedly went to be with Jesus on December  2nd, 2012. I was 37 weeks along in a perfect pregnancy when my placenta completely tore away from my uterine wall, leaving Ezra with no life supply. I found out that he was gone in the midst of intense labor and I went on to deliver him. I ended up becoming very sick with all the blood loss and needed four blood transfusions, but it allowed us to be in the hospital longer and we were able to enjoy two wonderful days with our Ezra.
I kissed every inch of his face. His little nose, soft cheeks, and tiny lips. I held him while I slept and woke up to the joy of his precious face next to mine. He looked angelic, and he was.

 He was perfect.

 He is perfect.

I knew that he wasn't really there, but a mother’s heart just doesn't know how to stop loving. Leaving the hospital was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. Watching the casket being lowered into the ground and watching in slow motion as the dirt began to cover his tiny casket being another. My husband and I are devastated, but by the grace of our Lord we have been able to cling to Him. We have a 22 month old son, Levi, who keeps me going each day. He doesn't understand what has happened and his innocent love and laughter has been balm to my broken heart. This is such a hard road to be on right now, but we have truly taken joy that this is not the end and the best is yet to come. We will have heaven with our Lord and our precious baby boy! My heart is struggling to believe that each day as I plead with God to help me put one foot in front of the other.

 “My heart trusts in Him and I am helped.” –Psalm 28:7

 
Ezra Shepherd Sweat
 
He is our help from God,
shepherding us home,
 pointing us toward eternity.

11 comments:

  1. Ezra is beautiful. What a perfect little boy, now even more perfect that he is in the presence of his Creator <3

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  2. Your son is beautiful. My heart aches with you in every way. I lost my daughter Madilyne just moments before her scheduled csection and it felt unreal. It is a hard road to walk and we have had so much loss on the last year and a half, but we still are walking with the Lord in the midst. We struggle, to be certain, but our hope is not in the things on earth, but in Jesus the perfect or and finisher of our faith.

    Rembering Ezra with you.

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  3. Emma I have read your while site and I chose to comment here, because this is how I met you, when I saw my childhood friends ask on Facebook for prayers for you and I was already praying because my mom called me and told me about sweet Ezra. Writing your story and your grief is an amazing thing and some days it feels good and some days it feels hard but you are creating a community here of people who support you and you are allowing others to see how you feel and that is an amazing thing. I hold you in my heart and in my prayers each and every day.

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  4. Emma, I am so sorry for your loss. Truly and deeply sorry. I have no idea how it must be for you, but I'm glad you've chosen to document your journey, Ezra's story here. I hope you will find that there is a wonderful community out there who will hold you up on the hard days. Thoughts are with you. And keep writing.

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  5. Oh Emma, my heart is with yours.

    I am so, so very sorry.

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  6. He is perfect. I can't imagine what it is like to walk in your shoes, but I send my support and hugs and thoughts and prayers.

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  7. I just wanted to let you know I am here and I am listening. My heart is broken in pieces for you.

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  8. Thank you all for your comments, thoughts, and prayers. It is so comforting to know others are out there lifting me up as each day is a struggle. Thank you for reading and listening.

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  9. Hi Emma...I found your link on the Sisterhood of Loss & Support blogroll, and I'm so glad I visited. Your Ezra is so beautiful! We lost our first son right around the same time (December 17, 2012) after I learned at his 38 week appointment on December 12 that he no longer had a heartbeat. When I delivered him, we learned his death was due to a double nuchal cord. While it is comforting to know I'm not alone in reading your story, I am heartbroken this is what "unites" us. I am a stranger, yes, but as I type this, I pray for you and your family. Take care of yourself, and may God continue to cradle your heart gently. -Tara

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    1. Oh Tara, I am so sorry for your loss. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to walk through. Everyday is such a challenge, it is insane. As you may know, some days we have to beg the Lord to pick us up and carry us, because we can no longer walk. I pray for you too. I, as well, feel a bond to those who are in this club that nobody wants to be in. Feel free to email if you ever want to talk more. somedays, you just need to get it out. My God hold your heart as well. We are dearly loved by him. And we are special mommy's to be given these special babies that we will indeed see again in heaven. (((hugs)))
      emma.sweat@gmail.com

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  10. So sorry to hear that you joined the club. It was 7 months ago today that our little Doria passed away at 36 weeks for no reason that we'll ever know.

    We wish Doria didn't have another playmate home in Heaven. We're glad that Doria and Ezra at least have a painless eternity.

    If there is ever anything my wife and I can do, let us know. We want to be there to help when you need it.
    restumpf@msn.com

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