Grief in motion
Here I sit.
Almost two months later.
Has it really been two months?
I can't bring myself
to fold the laundry I washed yesterday. I can barely get through putting my son,
Levi, down for a nap before I retreat to my room to sob. I still have yet to
get all the way through cleaning my kitchen. My sweet husband comes home from
work and finishes the job that I could not complete. I leave very important
words out of sentences when I write, so I'm sorry if that has happened in this
post. Much to parent magazine’s dismay, I have put Levi in front of the TV more
than usual because I simply do not have the emotional strength to entertain
him. The other day someone asked me for
my phone number and I could not remember it. MY phone number! My husband ended
up having to help me and tell me the first 3 digits before I remembered.
I have heard from
books and friends that this is all normal and this is what grief does to a
person, but I feel so abnormal. This isn’t me. (Okay, maybe the laundry thing
is usually true.)
This can’t be true.
But it is true. This is what the Lord Jesus meant when He
said “In this world you will have trouble.” (John 16:33) But I have to
remember, He goes on to say “But take heart!” ( You can get the sense He is
excited to share this with us.) “I have
overcome the world.” He says.
Ah, yes. He has overcome! He has overcome the ultimate grief
of death. And my little Ezra is not really gone. He is very much alive! And He
is loving every second of his life in heaven.
And I get to join him one day. One day I will feel all of the pure joy
that he is feeling. I will see all of the wonders that he is seeing.
And all because Christ has overcome!
I do not know how to get through this grief. I do not know
where it will take me next, but Jesus knows.
“Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and
unsearchable things you do not know.”- Jeremiah 33:3
I can rest in that, Lord. I can rest in that.
Emma,
ReplyDeleteI truly appreciate your honesty. I also really like the title of this entry. In the midst of incredible grief, you are still moving, and that is amazing. This blog is a reminder to keep you, Steve, Levi, and Ezra in my prayers.
May the peace of the Lord be with you.
Courtney Micksch
Thank you for your prayers courtney. they are invaluable.
DeleteI Corinthians 15:55-57 - O Death, where is your sting? O Hades, where is your victory?” The sting of death is sin, and the strength of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
ReplyDeleteAmen. Thank you Sarah.
DeleteI am so sorry for your sorrow. I wish I could do something, or say something that would help ease the pain. My daughter-in-law is Sarah from life {and} grace. That is how I found your blog. I hope you have a lot of support (more than your husband.) If there is something I can do, I hope you will ask.
ReplyDeleteTeresa Rieke (The Pastor's Wife)
Emma, I vividly remember the days after my daughter's death, which were just like what you've so eloquently described here. I am praying for you, and wishing I could help.
ReplyDeleteI am not that much in front of you in your grieving. I have felt what you are feeling, done what you are doing, and still moving forward one day at a time. God continues to give me grace and hope in the midst of intense suffering.
ReplyDeletePour out to God.
it is very encouraging to me to hear that you are moving forward and God is granting you hope and peace. You grief compunded with grief is something I can not even imagin. bless you! I will be keeping you in my prayers.
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