The weeping and the wailing
As I mourn the loss of time on this earth with my precious
son, I find myself crying “no, no” over and over again. I am still in shock
that I do not get to keep him
God be near
Unrecognizable groans and wails escape from my mouth that I
do not know to be my own. All I want is
my baby.
Lord, hold me
I shake with agony and raw pain and hurt. My heart feels a
physical heaviness. Will I ever be whole again?
Jesus, restore my soul
When the fog of grief begins to clear and I can conceive a
thought besides the emotion that I am feeling, I remember your word.
God help me to open
it. Give me the strength to sit up and search your holy book for the truths my weary
soul longs for.
I fumble through pages, desperate for a verse that will give
me hope. It is a struggle to even know where to begin. Finally;
“The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in
Him and I am helped “-Psalm 28:7
It’s so simple.
Lord, help me trust you
“Surely our griefs He Himself
bore, and our sorrows He carried” – Isaiah 53:4
I remember you have carried not
only my sins to the cross, but also my grief and my sorrow.
Jesus, do not let this pain consume me.
“Therefore we do not lose heart.
Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by
day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory
that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on
what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal” –
1 Corinthians 4:16-18
I know I will see my sweet Ezra
again. This is not the end. The best is yet to come.
God, let me fix my eyes on you and know this world is temporary. Engrave
the promise of eternity deeply in to the fibers of my weary heart
Holy spirit, lift me up
God of mercy, hold my hand
This kind of pain allows for such a sweet fellowship with the Savior. It is so, so painful though. I am so sorry <3
ReplyDeleteI know the Lord so much more deeply now that I have gone through this and it is such a gift. An eternal gift. I know from reading your blog that you feel the same. We are some special and blessed mommies.
DeleteEmma, this is so beautiful. I wish I had chronicled my journey with Jesus after my own daughter died. Your blog is a precious tribute to your beautiful Ezra! I am praying for you, and mourning with you.
ReplyDeleteOh Caryn, thank you! It has been helpfu for me to write as I go through this. Thank you for reminding me that it is a tribute to Ezra. Thank you so much for walking along beside me.
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