Wednesday, January 30, 2013

The weeping and the wailing


As I mourn the loss of time on this earth with my precious son, I find myself crying “no, no” over and over again. I am still in shock that I do not get to keep him

God be near

Unrecognizable groans and wails escape from my mouth that I do not know to be my own.  All I want is my baby.

Lord, hold me

I shake with agony and raw pain and hurt. My heart feels a physical heaviness. Will I ever be whole again?

Jesus, restore my soul

When the fog of grief begins to clear and I can conceive a thought besides the emotion that I am feeling, I remember your word.

God help me to open it. Give me the strength to sit up and search your holy book for the truths my weary soul longs for.

I fumble through pages, desperate for a verse that will give me hope. It is a struggle to even know where to begin. Finally;

“The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him and I am helped “-Psalm 28:7

It’s so simple.

Lord, help me trust you                                        

“Surely our griefs He Himself bore, and our sorrows He carried” – Isaiah 53:4

I remember you have carried not only my sins to the cross, but also my grief and my sorrow.

Jesus, do not let this pain consume me.

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal” – 1 Corinthians 4:16-18

I know I will see my sweet Ezra again. This is not the end. The best is yet to come.

God, let me fix my eyes on you and know this world is temporary. Engrave the promise of eternity deeply in to the fibers of my weary heart

Holy spirit, lift me up

God of mercy, hold my hand

 

 

4 comments:

  1. This kind of pain allows for such a sweet fellowship with the Savior. It is so, so painful though. I am so sorry <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know the Lord so much more deeply now that I have gone through this and it is such a gift. An eternal gift. I know from reading your blog that you feel the same. We are some special and blessed mommies.

      Delete
  2. Emma, this is so beautiful. I wish I had chronicled my journey with Jesus after my own daughter died. Your blog is a precious tribute to your beautiful Ezra! I am praying for you, and mourning with you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh Caryn, thank you! It has been helpfu for me to write as I go through this. Thank you for reminding me that it is a tribute to Ezra. Thank you so much for walking along beside me.

      Delete