Letting hope blossom

 

I was not sure if I wanted to share these thoughts at first.

They are very personal to me.

They are my thoughts about having another baby.

And I have recently learned that it is not just family and friends who are reading my blog and are wanting to know how I am doing. There those of you reading this who have lost a baby, as I have. 

I thought on this more and realized that I have found much comfort in knowing that I was not the only women to feel this way so soon. Some women do not want to think about having another baby until they have plenty of time to grieve, and I can understand that. Every one is different. And when you are grieving, you should feel no pressure to feel a certain way. Grief is a nasty, winding, road, and we never know where it can take us. So as you read my words, please know that this is not how I think everyone should deal with losing a child. It is just how I have been dealing with it, and I want others, who feel as I do, to be encouraged.

As I was reading in 2 Corinthians this morning, I came across this verse and realized something.

" We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed."

This verse resonates in tune with heart  so much right now. I do feel persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

 

And here is what I realized: for me, having another baby is part of not being destroyed.

Allowing myself to feel excited, and not terrified, at the thought of another pregnancy is part of not being destroyed.

 

Allowing hope, that the Lord can bless us with another little baby, to blossom in full bloom, is part of not being destroyed.

If any of you who have lost a baby are feeling guilty about thoughts of another baby soon, allow me to encourage you and remind us all of the things we need to hear everyday. Our babies are not gone and not lost. Our babies are very much alive, and in the arms of Jesus. They are living full, rich, and amazing lives in heaven. They are waiting for us. They know, better than we do, that heaven is to be our home for all eternity. So when we think of having another baby, we should not think or fear for one second that we are "replacing" the babies in heaven. We will be giving them another brother or sister to enjoy for all of eternity, together. I believe that our families will, indeed, be made whole again when we are in glory.

So when I think about another baby, I know I will be giving my precious Ezra another brother or sister to love forever. And He is so excited about that!

I am so excited about that!

Let me add, it took time to get to this point. And I do not think I have this all figured out. I'm still learning everyday. I am only two and half months into grieving. For some of you it may take longer to think about another baby. It's different for everyone. Don't force yourself. Be gentle with your delicate heart. Pray and work through these things with God. Meditate on heaven and the truths of the Lord, and He will open your heart to what He has planned in your future.

If you would, please allow me to share some of my morning prayer with you. I invite you in, to pray this along with me, if you so desire.


Dear Lord, with the coming of spring, would you please bring me new life? Will you renew me inwardly, though I feel as if my body is wasting away, weary from grief and sorrow? And Father, could you please give us the precious new life of a child again? A healing child. He or She would be like a balm on our broken hearts.So many around us are having babies right now and our hearts ache. It aches for a tiny nose, and tiny cheeks, and little fingers that wrap around mine. A precious little bundle to cuddle on my chest. Lord, please hear my broken heart. Do you see that my hopes have been ripped from me? Do you see how my dreams have been dashed? Hear me, Lord! Bind up my wounds. Mend my heart. Hold my baby when I can't. Give him kisses while my lips cannot reach his tiny face. Lord, my heart begs you, it pleads with you. Please, give us another baby soon. A sweet brother or sister for Levi and Ezra.
Help me desire your will and not my own. But know, that my heart overflows with desire for another precious life. Your word says that you are good to those who depend on you and search for you.(lamentations 3:25) Please be good to me, Lord. Whatever your good may be.
In Jesus name,
Amen


Let us allow this hope to blossom, in full bloom.