The sacredness of grief and the beauty of joy
I wrote this post last week, and for whatever reason it has taken a while for me to feel like it is ready to post. I still don't truly feel it is "ready", but I am a procrastinator and if I don't put it up now, it may not ever happen...
My heart has felt a little lighter lately. I have been experiencing more joy and happiness, and less of the sorrow. And quite frankly, that kind of freaks me out. Part of me wants to be in mourning forever, as if that is the deepest way to express my love and longing for Ezra. My grief has been a sacred time for me. But as I've thought more on this struggle between grief and joy I have come to the conclusion that, perhaps, joy is also one of the deepest ways to express my love for Ezra. After all, isn't he in the best possible place imaginable? A mother's true love wants the best for her child.
How is it that the two emotions are so intertwined in one another?
Angie Smith, author of "I Will Carry You", puts it well in her subtitle as "The Sacred Dance Between Grief and Joy."
I am learning that, as followers of Christ, embracing heaven's joys is one of the only ways to make it through grief. The others, being the comfort of living in full awareness of God's presence through his holy spirit that is alive in us.
I feel I have been more able to embrace the joy of Ezra's life in heaven this past week. I have been dwelling more on that glorious fact, and less on the sorrow. I feel overjoyed as I realize that the Lord has been answering the cries of my heart. I have pleaded with Him over and over again to help me live each day with Ezra's life in heaven very near to my heart. And it truly has been!
I think about his life in heaven so much. I read scripture that talks of eternity, and my heart is calmed. Tears of relief flood my eyes. A smile of the anticipated promise to come crosses my lips. My heart skips a beat for the joy that my precious baby is experiencing, and for the joy I will experience one day. And with those thoughts, life here on earth doesn't seem so overwhelming. It no longer feels like a black cloud, looming over my head, keeping even the smallest shaft of light from breaking through. In truth, an eternal perspective makes this life in which we struggle with sin so much more doable. Because one day, our lives will no longer be so laden with sorrow. No wonder the last verse of almost every hymn is so focused on heaven! Longing for our true home, and knowing we will arrive there one day, is a way that the Lord has made for us to make it through even the darkest of days. Even when we are so defeated, we feel we are prostrate in the dust. We know, we will one day live a life in heaven with no reason for grief.
Heaven needs to be such a real part of our christian walk. Heaven is everything! Because there we will have perfect union with God.
In the new earth the Lord will have for us, everything will be all consumingly perfect in the light of His presence. This is what He has for us, because He loves us so much, He was willing to give the life of His son for us.
So, praise you Lord! For I can embrace the joy of your blessings and my baby's life in heaven with no question of guilt. My baby is experiencing true and perfect completeness with you. And I can welcome that joy with open arms! For one day, with my son by my side, that true and perfect completeness will be mine as well. And the hole in my heart will be filled with the joy of the Lord, and with hugs and kisses that will flow from a sweet reunion with my precious Ezra.
I must say though, this joy does not always flow from me. Sometimes, it must be chosen. So I must preach this to my soul, as we see in the psalms.
My heart has felt a little lighter lately. I have been experiencing more joy and happiness, and less of the sorrow. And quite frankly, that kind of freaks me out. Part of me wants to be in mourning forever, as if that is the deepest way to express my love and longing for Ezra. My grief has been a sacred time for me. But as I've thought more on this struggle between grief and joy I have come to the conclusion that, perhaps, joy is also one of the deepest ways to express my love for Ezra. After all, isn't he in the best possible place imaginable? A mother's true love wants the best for her child.
How is it that the two emotions are so intertwined in one another?Angie Smith, author of "I Will Carry You", puts it well in her subtitle as "The Sacred Dance Between Grief and Joy."
I am learning that, as followers of Christ, embracing heaven's joys is one of the only ways to make it through grief. The others, being the comfort of living in full awareness of God's presence through his holy spirit that is alive in us.
I feel I have been more able to embrace the joy of Ezra's life in heaven this past week. I have been dwelling more on that glorious fact, and less on the sorrow. I feel overjoyed as I realize that the Lord has been answering the cries of my heart. I have pleaded with Him over and over again to help me live each day with Ezra's life in heaven very near to my heart. And it truly has been!
I think about his life in heaven so much. I read scripture that talks of eternity, and my heart is calmed. Tears of relief flood my eyes. A smile of the anticipated promise to come crosses my lips. My heart skips a beat for the joy that my precious baby is experiencing, and for the joy I will experience one day. And with those thoughts, life here on earth doesn't seem so overwhelming. It no longer feels like a black cloud, looming over my head, keeping even the smallest shaft of light from breaking through. In truth, an eternal perspective makes this life in which we struggle with sin so much more doable. Because one day, our lives will no longer be so laden with sorrow. No wonder the last verse of almost every hymn is so focused on heaven! Longing for our true home, and knowing we will arrive there one day, is a way that the Lord has made for us to make it through even the darkest of days. Even when we are so defeated, we feel we are prostrate in the dust. We know, we will one day live a life in heaven with no reason for grief.
Heaven needs to be such a real part of our christian walk. Heaven is everything! Because there we will have perfect union with God.
"For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd;
He will lead them to springs of living water.
And God will wipe every tear from their eyes"
Revelation 7:17
In the new earth the Lord will have for us, everything will be all consumingly perfect in the light of His presence. This is what He has for us, because He loves us so much, He was willing to give the life of His son for us.
So, praise you Lord! For I can embrace the joy of your blessings and my baby's life in heaven with no question of guilt. My baby is experiencing true and perfect completeness with you. And I can welcome that joy with open arms! For one day, with my son by my side, that true and perfect completeness will be mine as well. And the hole in my heart will be filled with the joy of the Lord, and with hugs and kisses that will flow from a sweet reunion with my precious Ezra.
I must say though, this joy does not always flow from me. Sometimes, it must be chosen. So I must preach this to my soul, as we see in the psalms.
Why are you downcast, Oh my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise Him,
my Savior and my God."
Psalm 42:5
I understand how scary it is to experience joy after grief. It's like walking on ice that you are unsure will hold you.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you are finding joy again, though.