The road to Emmaus

A dear friend of mine recommended a devotional book to me called “Mended” by Angie Smith. For those of you that are unfamiliar with Angie, she is a woman of faith who has also lost a baby and wrote a book about her journey through loss called “I Will Carry You”.  I read it shortly after Ezra was born and would highly recommend it to anyone, but especially to a mama who has just lost a precious little life.  I absolutely love her writing and was more than ready to dive into this new book, and much to my delight the Lord had something waiting for me to discover within the pages of this book.

In one of the very first chapters, she shares the story of Jesus and the two men on the road to Emmaus. The entire story can be found in Luke 24:13-32, but here is a brief summary.

Two believers were walking on the road to Emmaus. They were dismayed discussing the crucifixion of Christ, and were struggling to believe whether the rumors they had heard about Jesus having risen were true or not. Then suddenly, a man (Jesus) “catches up” to them. The Greek word used to describe this is eggizo, which means “to draw near, approach.”

As they shared with this man what they had been discussing, they had no idea they were in the presence of the living Christ. They continued to walk right next to him for miles while Jesus reminded them of what the prophets had said, speaking the very word of God, but they did not know him.

When they finally reached their destination Jesus acted as if he was going to journey on, but they begged him to stay for dinner. Sitting around the table together, they watched Jesus break the bread and scripture says that then “their eyes were opened, and they recognized him.” Just as quickly as they had recognized him, he disappeared from their sight. They turned and asked each other, “Did our hearts not burn within us while he walked with us on the road, while he opened us to the scriptures?” Their journey with him that day made sense now. It had been Christ all along. Even when they were too focused on their doubts to see him, he was there. Even while their hearts burned with longing for him and they did not yet know who he was, Jesus had not changed. He was still right beside them, preparing to reveal himself.

I love this story. I first realized I would love this story when I read in the book that Angie had looked up the meaning of the word Emmaus, and found that it meant “warm springs, frequently used for healing.” This story, to me, is a symbolic journey of walking with Jesus on a road toward healing, and I know that is exactly where I am in this moment. It is meaningful to me that in the passage the two believers are not always aware that Jesus is with them, but their eyes were indeed opened to him at the end, after they had pushed through their questions and doubts. And even more meaningful to me is that even while the believers are doubting and questioning, Jesus never leaves their side, even though they do not recognize him.

I have felt this imagery played out in my life many times. Wanting to believe, working through my doubts, and not always feeling as if Jesus is beside me.  But this passage gives me great assurance that he is with me.  He could have left the two men while they continued to doubt. Jesus had even revealed the truth of the scriptures to them. It would make sense to us for Jesus eventually give up and leave to their own doubts, but he didn’t. 

He stayed.

I also see in this passage that the believers knew they yearned for him, even though their eyes had not yet been opened to seeing him. It gives me validation of the yearning I have for Christ. Even though I may have been operating under a tainted view of who God is, my eyes not fully opened, my longing for Jesus presence is still very real. The longing was not something I created, it was something God created.

So where am I on the “road to Emmaus”?  

I think I may be at the point where I am begging Jesus to stay, but my eyes have not yet been fully opened to who he is. In the aftermath of losing Ezra, I know I still have some doubts and questions that are holding me back from my eyes being completely opened to the love Jesus has for me.

Knowing my tendencies, it is important to tell myself that letting go of the doubts to embrace all that Christ has for me may not happen in one glorious moment. It will take time. Some of these wounds run deep, and my newly revealed inaccurate views of who God is have been part of my spiritual walk for a long time, and they are deep within me. ( If some of you have not yet read the previous post, I realized that based on a lot of imprinting and experiences from my past,  I feel I need to ”perform” for God by seeking him consistently to receive his approval and love.) I must remember that It takes careful time to thoroughly dig out a root so deep.

They walked for miles on this road toward healing, and I wonder if when they arrived they felt tired and worn. I tend to have idealistic views about what it will look like when I finally arrive at a place where I begin to feel healing, but it is good for me to remember that perhaps I will feel tired and worn as well. I may not be supernaturally invigorated to continue to move my heart toward healing, I may have to push on and persevere, with a weary and worn soul.

The reward, however, is that it was then in their weariness and at the comfort of a meal that the believers saw Jesus for who he really was. I know that will not disappoint and I am so excited to get there.

Lord, when I find myself weary, let it be not a hindrance, but a clear reminder of my need for you. Let it be a reminder that I cannot “perform” my way out of this and gain any lasting results. I need you to get me through. I need you to be transforming my heart and my mind, conforming it to the views of your character that you desire me to have.

In Jesus name,

Amen.