Ezra's first birthday in heaven

Ezra Shepherd Sweat
December 2nd, 2012

My Sweet baby Ezra,

Happy birthday my love! I cannot believe you are one year old now. How I wish I could kiss your little face, but I asked Jesus to do it instead. I want to hold you in my arms and make you feel so special on your special day, but instead I hold you in my heart. If you were here with me, I would have thrown you the cutest little baby birthday party, just like I did for your big brother Levi when he turned one. I would have given you too many presents and I would have wrapped them in cute little baby birthday paper. I would have had the chance to watch you take your first bite of cake, wondering if you would smear it all over your face, or daintily flick the icing off of your hands like Levi.  I would be looking at pictures of you growing up through the past year, and stare in awe at the big boy you would have become.

But all I have is your newborn baby picture. And that is how I picture you in heaven. Still wrapped in your swaddle blanket with your little blue hat on, waiting to grow up until I get there. A year ago, my heart was stung by the reality that you were in heaven and not with me, but now a whole year later, my heart has grown warm to that truth. As your daddy and I have thought more and more about heaven, we have realized that it is the best and safest possible place for a little baby to be. Safe with Jesus. In his eternal arms that will never grow cold. His arms that are so full of love for you. More love than we can ever comprehend. Today, after a year's worth of healing, we can smile when we think of your life in heaven with Jesus.

You have taught us so many things, my precious son. You have taught us that this world has nothing for us in comparison to what God has for our lives. You have taught us to store up our treasure in heaven, holding the blessings we have on earth with an open hand. You have taught us true thankfulness. Our appreciation for life is so deep now. Our gratitude for what God has given us so easily overflows now, in ways it never would have before we had you, baby. Our Father chose you to teach us amazing things that will enrich the rest of our eternal lives. You have brought Him so much glory and honor with your tiny life on earth and we are so proud of you, little son. We are so thankful that God chose us to be your mommy and daddy. Thank you for all of these incredible gifts.

It is so sad that you're not here with us. We miss you. Our arms ache for you. Our hearts weep for you. This time of separation is so painful. But we know now more than ever that this is just a temporary separation. You were simply blessed to receive your eternal reward before we were. We know that in the span of eternity, we will be with you again very soon.

When we see you, we will kiss your sweet face over and over.

You will feel all of the love I have stored for you in my heart in one perfect and holy and heavenly hug.

When we look into each others eyes for the first time, you will see all of the years, and hours, and minutes, and seconds that I have spent anticipating this moment with impatient joy.

You will see all of the love and longing that my heart has been brimming with since the moment I felt your first little kick.

I will love you now and forever, and into eternity, my sweet baby. Until then, our Jesus is holding my hand, helping me make it through until our wonderful reunion.

Happy first birthday, sweet Ezra.

All my love,

Mommy

Therefore they are before the throne of God,

and serve him day and night in his temple;

and he who sits on the throne will shelter them with his presence.

They shall hunger no more, neither thirst anymore;

the sun shall not strike them, nor any scorching heat.

For the Lamb in the midst of the throne will be their shepherd,

and he will guide them to springs of living water,

and God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.

Revelation 7:15-17 (ESV)

We will hold your hand again soon precious baby